Too fat for pictures...

LOVE this article. Love. it.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765623926/So-youre-feeling-too-fat-to-be-photographed.html?pg=1

A Creature of Convenience

So the exercise challenge seems to be just what I needed to get myself moving again. Unfortunately, it didn't do much in the eating department! The scale continues to climb. I hit 163 at my last weigh in. Blah...

But, I really do feel like I am getting into the exercise groove. I even exercised twice today, just because I wanted to! I don't even get extra credit for exercising twice in one day! :)

As far as the eating thing goes, I've decided that my biggest problem is two fold. I hate cooking and I hate waiting. Eating healthy tends to require more of both than grabbing a handful of crackers! Yes, I realize that throwing a chicken breast in the oven only takes a couple of minutes, but then it has to cook for 30+ minutes. It doesn't take too long to make a smoothie (though it is longer than grabbing a prepackaged snack) but then I have to measure out EACH ingredient, input EACH ingredient into the computer and then compute how much I am eating. The prepackaged stuff is already portioned out and has the calories at a glance.

Okay, funny confession here. I originally put "has the nutrition info at a glance" but changed it to calories because I realized how ridiculous that sounded. There is no nutrition in most of the crap I am putting in my mouth....and THAT information is READILY available to me to see why I SHOULDN'T be eating it! Ugh!

Yeah, I am impatient. When I decide I am hungry and have a spare minute to eat, I want to grab something and go! I know, I know, precook, pre-portion and then it is all ready....but it still takes the effort at some point! Okay, okay, I'll stop whining and making excuses now. I just know my eating totally sucks and I just have no desire to do anything about it so I sit here trying to make excuses for it instead.

Funny thing is that I had convinced myself that I was eating healthier since I started this journey. And the reality is, I AM eating healthIER but I am still a far cry from healthY.

Starting over...again

I hate that phrase. "I'm starting over." I hate it because it means I ended something that never should have been ended. Otherwise, I would be saying, "I'm still trucking along....I'm going to keep right on doing what I'm doing...", you get the drift.

I now weigh 160 pounds!! That is 30 pounds heavier than my lowest weight! Ugh! I swore I would never let myself get over 140. Then I changed to 150. Then when I went over 150, I decided that there was NO WAY I would get to 160!! It just wasn't going to happen!!

And I hovered around 157-158 for quite a while. So I was okay. That's what I told myself anyway. But I've decided that it isn't okay! I have no energy. I'm eating like crap. I'm not exercising. NONE of my clothes fit! I got rid of all the bigger ones so that I wouldn't have the option of getting the bigger clothes out of storage. But I am to the point where I need to get on the wagon or buy new clothes.

I refuse to buy new clothes. Well, I refuse to buy bigger clothes anyway.

I feel motivated this time around. I've been exercising for a few days and plan to continue. A friend challenged me to a 30 day exercise challenge and you all know how competitive I am! It was just the boost I needed.

So, here's to a healthier (and smaller) me!

Update

I figured if I'm going to get on here and set big goals, I need to be accountable for them.

1 - Take a multivitamin. I actually haven't done this one yet. I thought I had some in the cupboard but no dice. I haven't made it to the store to buy any but I have been taking fish oil supplement so there is progress, just not quite where it should be.

2 - Increase water consumption. Drinking 4 glasses of water by noon is not as doable as I thought! I have been doing way better with the water drinking though but still fell short by a glass both days. But that is definite progress.

3 - Go to bed by 11:00. Zero progress on this one. This one is REALLY, REALLY hard for me. It is a habit that I have been trying for some time to break but I just go into veg mode at night and lose track of time. It's ridiculous really because I am not accomplishing anything. I really, truly just veg. So it makes more sense to go to bed!

4 - Increase veggie/fruit consumption. This one is okay. I do better when I am consciously tracking this one so that is why I put this one down.

5 - Exercise - hasn't happened since my last post....AT ALL. I haven't even done the 20 minute light walk thing.

So there is definitely work to be done but there is hint of progress. Part of my problem the last couple of days has been cookies! They are my weakness and I let my kids make some on Wednesday. They actually winged it (didn't follow the recipe) and they turned out pretty good! Then yesterday was my annual holiday cookie exchange with a bunch of ladies in my neighborhood. About two dozen or so of us get together every year at sweet lady in our neighborhood's house and exchange our holiday cookies. Everyone comes out with 2+ dozen YUMMY treats that sit and beg to be eaten. I know, I shouldn't have gone. But the social aspect of it is so fun. And I figured I'd grab the treats and bring them home to my kids....yeah right!

Anyway, I definitely have work to do but that's what goals are for. Incidentally, I noticed the goal weights on my sidebar from last year. Oddly enough, those goal weights would be pretty close to what I could set right now (maybe move them up a couple of weeks)! Oh the roller coaster...

The Buck Stops Here

The scale continues to go...up. And it needs to stop.

I've actually been doing decent with the goals I set for hubby's work. My best bet for fruit and veggie consumption has been smoothies. I don't know if that is the best way to get them in (ie. all at once vs. spread out through the day) but I figure it's better than nothing.

I've been doing pretty good with the exercise. Sometimes it ends up being a 20 minute walk around the neighborhood just so I can say I did it, but at least it's something.

I went in for my physical. Blah. But it's done.

Getting my weight under 140? Not so much. I'm now up to 155. So I need some concrete goals and I need to stick with them. Just saying I'm going to lose weight, doesn't work. I figured if I ate more fruits and veggies and exercised, the weight would naturally come off. That may have worked if I had replaced crap I was eating with the good stuff. Unfortunately, I have just added it to my diet and then somehow felt "justified" in eating crap because I am eating healthy food to "balance" things out. I know, totally illogical but it's how my brain thinks.

And I feel like crap. I'm tired all the time. I'm cranky. I need to make some changes, if nothing else, for the health of it...

1 - Take a multivitamin. Yeah, I know some people view this as unnecessary, but for me, I think it's a good thing.

2 - Increase water consumption to four glasses of water before noon and at least an additional four before bed (I need to drink it early so I'm not up peeing all night, sorry if that's a tmi!).

3 - Go to bed by 11:00. I'd like to get this earlier but right now I'm lucky to hit midnight....baby steps!

4 - Continue with increased veggie/fruit consumption.

5 - Continue exercising but make sure the 20 minutes (or more) really counts - ie. minimum 200 calorie burn.

That is a lot of goals to focus on all at once but where they are all very much related, it's very doable (as I sit typing this post at 11:00 instead of going to bed - HAHA).

That's all for now. I'll try to do better about updating.

What I am learning...

It's been a while. I'm learning though. One thing I have learned is that I went about this whole weight loss thing totally wrong! Yes, I lost the weight. I even lost a lot more than I thought I would. And I got toned. As a matter of fact, I lookED good! Notice the emphasis on the "-ED"?


My focus when I lost my weight was eating less and making what I did eat lower calorie. But I didn't actually CHANGE the way I was eating. Okay, I did change things a little. We hardly ever do anything deep fried anymore. We used to do that 2 or 3 times a month. I cut out most condiment. Just figured they weren't really necessary. But my core foods are pretty much the same...refined grains, and....well....more refined grains.

My big wake up call was one of my goals for my hubby's work challenge. I decided to increase my consumption of fruits and veggies. This means I have to track my fruits and veggies. I was literally going days at a time without a single fruit or veggie in my diet! In reality, that is nothing short of disgusting! I am doing a little better but I still have a LONG way to go on that one!

This has made me take a harder look at my diet in general. Whole grains? Pretty much non-existent. Frankly, I'm kind of embarrassed by my eating habits. Reducing caloric intake will help you loose weight. BUT, keeping it off, may be an entirely different story! I always figured, if I have the calories left, what is the harm in a Kit Kit. Don't get me wrong. I'm not necessarily saying that no "good stuff" should ever be allowed in the diet. But I am saying that I need change. But....

Change is hard. Change sucks. I like my donuts. I like my white tortilla shells. I love chocolate. And I love ice cream. Anything freshly baked (cookies, cakes, bread, etc.) screams for me to eat it. But I have GOT to convince myself that those are not the foods that make my BODY happy.

So here's the problem. I was raised on those foods. Those are the foods I know and love. Unfortunately, my children have been raised the same way. Those are the foods they know and love. When I try to eat healthier, they complain...and unfortunately, I sympathize with them. The other day, I decided to be healthy and eat an egg with peppers in it instead of my usual bowl of cereal for breakfast. I literally had to choke the thing down. I kept telling myself "okay, three more bites, two more bites....". That's pretty much how I am with ANY vegetable. I do like fruit, but they are higher in sugar....

I don't know....I'm kind of in limbo....again. I really know I need to change...blah, blah, blah.

The goals and how I am going to accomplish them...

I set my goals for my husband's work health program. Here they are:

1. Increase my consumption of fruits and veggies (this has been PATHETICALLY low!). I am going to do this by tracking nothing but my fruits and veggies. This will give me a better quick picture of how much I am eating without having to search through a food log to find them.

2. Get a full physical exam. I have actually never in my life had one so I figured it wouldn't be a bad thing to have one done.

3 Exercise a MINIMUM of 20 minutes a day 3X per week. That really sounds pathetic considering where I used to be! But I have done pretty well so far. I walked for 40 minutes yesterday and did a 30 minute exercise video today. I wasn't able to do the full load of the video (no weights due to the shoulder) but it still felt good to get a good workout in. I worry that I may have pushed it a little with the shoulder but only time will tell on that one.

4. Get my weight back under 140 and keep it there. I know I said I wasn't going to set a weight goal but I changed my mind. I need the accountability.

So, there's the goals and I'm hoping they will get me back on track. I really like that this program doesn't end until December so it isn't a short term, "do this for a couple of weeks and then fall back to my old ways" type thing. Now, I think I'll go find a fruit or veggie to snack on...

It's time...

I didn't fall off the face of the earth. My bursitis didn't end up getting better in 2 weeks as hoped. After the two weeks of at home exercises from my doctor, I was sent to a physical therapist and it got worse....MUCH worse. I'm talking, curled up in a ball, can't breath, sobbing, horrible pain. I ended up in a sling got a cortisone shot.

The doctors (yeah, I've been to 4 now) have done an x-ray and an MRI. I had/have calcific tendinitis but something about it wasn't normal. The orthopedic surgeon was actually kinda stumped as he looked at my MRI. Anyway, during the exam, the OS got my shoulder up into some funky position and it went **snap, crackle, pop** and has been getting better and better since!

I still have to be careful. I am not supposed to do any movements that cause sharp pain (so not much strength training with the arm) but I can do cardio. But, I am VERY glad to be doing so much better!

The good news is that I haven't gained weight since my last weigh in (two months ago). I'm still at 144. But I know it could EASILY be lower.

The great news is that hubby's work does a health and wellness program each year. The employees set goals at the beginning of the year and then at the end of the year, if they reach their goals, they get $50. This year, they decided to let the spouses join the program! Woohoo!! So my goals are going to focus on getting back into a regular exercise routine and getting my eating under control. I'm not really going to set a weight goal because I know as I do the other two, the weight will fall into place!

I'll get back on when I have decided on some concrete goals. My plan is to start small and work my way into a full routine (as far as exercise goals because of the shoulder). I am toying with the eating thing. I WANT to do that gradually as well, but that usually doesn't work too well for me so I may have to just go full force on that one...but we'll see.

And the roller coaster ride continues....

Bursitis

So apparently I have bursitis in my left shoulder. Which means no heavy exercise (ie no Jillian) for at least two weeks. The doctor said I can do cardio but to pretty much leave my arm alone. Just one more excuse....arrrrgggghhh!!!

I guess the way I was approaching things wasn't working anyway (not watching calories but increasing the exercise) so now it's time to switch the approach to watching the calories and walking/running when I can.

"It's okay. I'll do better tomorrow."

That seems to be my motto as of late....and it's not a good thing. I just don't want to eat right. I decided a long time ago that a majority of weight loss success is having the mental commitment to doing it and I just don't have that right now. At my weigh in this morning, I "should" have been around 138. Instead, I was 144. Yeah, not good. I had decided to focus more on fitness which I have definitely increased, but not to the point it should be.

My eating...has been horrendous! And it's all mental. I'm not even hungry. I just see something yummy and think I have to have it. So I eat it. Solution? Don't eat it. Sounds easy. But it isn't. The thing that really stinks is that I can't even define a "trigger." A lot of people can say they eat because of this, this or this and they just need to get past their demons to get past their desire to eat. Me? I just like food. A lot.

So, I need to better. And I'll get right on that....starting tomorrow... :P