Rethinking my way of thinking....

So I did this whole weight loss thing "naturally", you know, no pills, shakes, etc. I made "sustainable lifestyle changes" to get the weight off. Right? Well....now I'm thinking...not so much. I still eat most of the same foods, just in smaller quantities. I did make some ingredient substitutions (ie., low fat, reduced calorie, etc) and cut out some really bad stuff (like almost all of our fried favorites), BUT for the most part, the foods are still the same.

And it is starting to bite me in the butt! I don't want to cut quantities any more. The food is there and I just want to eat whatever I want! That doesn't work well for weight loss (or maintenance). Yup, still struggling....

I've been thinking a lot lately about the need for me (and my family) to really change the way we eat. We need to cut the complex carbs WAY down and WAY increase the fruits, vegetables and whole grains. When I think about it, it seems simple. Trying to put it into practice is a completely different ball game!

We have a huge food storage FULL of the crappy foods that I am talking about eliminating. Not to mention the fact that those foods have a better shelf life anyway making them more practical for food storage. It also makes it easier on the budget because when that stuff goes on a really good sale, I can buy 6+ months worth of it. It is a little harder to buy 6 months worth of fresh fruits and veggies!

I know, freeze it, can it. I have issues with freezing. One problem is the space. I don't have 50 cubic feet of freezer space. In fact, my freezer space is quite limited. I also have issues with freezing because what happens if the power goes out in the middle of summer? Yeah, my aunt (who has two full sized freezers) had that happen to her and had to throw out ALL that food!

Canning....BLAH! I know, stop whining and do it.

My other major issue is the kids. I have five kids ages 2 to 9 who have become accustomed to eating like crap. That's not exactly something that can be changed overnight. "Hey kids, I know you're used to eating Fruit Loops and Frosted Flakes for breakfast every morning but from now on, we'll be eating tofu and muesli. Ummmm....yeah.

I have been taking baby steps but I get frustrated with baby steps. I know that baby steps are steps and I just need to keep plugging along. I wish I could just throw everything out and start over but from a budget standpoint, that would be suicidal!

Anyway, enough with the whining.

I made a list of vegetables and put an "x" (* means we tried it since making this list) by all the ones we as a family have tried at one point or another. This list isn't comprehensive. I took off all the herbs, beans, and anything that brought up a photography website when I googled it (that really happened BTW). I was actually surprised at how many we had tried. Let me emphasize "TRIED". We don't by any means eat all of the "x"-ed ones on a regular basis.

So our new baby step is to try everything on this list! Wish us luck!

Artichokes
Arugula
Asparagus
Avocado	x
Beets	x
Beets, Yellow
Bok Choy
Broccoflower	x
Broccoli	x
Brussel Sprouts	x
Butter Beans
Cabbage, Green	x
Cabbage, Purple
Cabbage, Red
Carrots	x
Carrots, Purple
Cauliflower	x
Celery	x
Chard
Corn	x
Corn, White	x
Cucumber	x
Eggplant
Endive
Escarole
Fennel
Green Beans	x
Greens, Collard
Greens, Leafy	x
Greens, Mustard
Jerusalem Artichoke	x
Jicama
Kale
Kohlrabi
Leeks
Lettuce	x
Mushrooms	x
Okra	x
Onion	x
Onion, Green	x
Onions, Red	x
Onions, White	x
Onions, Yellow	x
Parsnips	x
Peas	x
Peas, Pod	x
Peas, Snow	x
Peas, Sugar Snap	x
Pepper, Green Bell	x
Pepper, Orange Bell	x
Peppers, Chili	x
Peppers, Hot	x
Peppers, Red Bell	x
Peppers, Sweet	x
Peppers, Yellow Bell	x
Potatoes, Purple	x
Potatoes, Red	x
Potatoes, Sweet	x
Potatoes, Yellow	x
Pumpkin	x
Radicchio
Radish	x
Rhubarb
Rutabagas
Sauerkraut
Shallots	x
Spinach	x
Squash, Acorn	x
Squash, Ambercup	x
Squash, Autumn Cup
Squash, Banana	x
Squash, Butternut	x
Squash, Carnival	x
Squash, Chayote
Squash, Crook Neck	x
Squash, Delicata
Squash, Fairytale Pumpkin
Squash, Gold Nugget
Squash, Hubbard	x
Squash, Kabocha
Squash, Pattypan	x
Squash, Spaghetti	x
Squash, Sweet Dumpling
Squash, Turban
Squash, Yellow	x
Tomatillo	x
Tomatoes	x
Tomatoes, Cherry	x
Tomatoes, Grape	x
Tomatoes, Pear	x
Turnips	x
Watercress	x
Yams	x
Zucchini	x

Well...I did it...

Can you sense the excitement oozing from me? Okay, it's probably harder on a blog to sense my sarcasm. But if I was really, truly excited, that title would have looked something more like "WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And it would have come seconds (instead of almost a full week) after my weigh in.

But you'll notice, it didn't. Because while I did make it one full year with my Saturday weigh ins being at or under 136.6, my "celebration" was....well....pathetic! To celebrate, I went out to lunch, at over a dozen cookies, and had a milkshake...ALL IN ONE AFTERNOON! Hello! Did I learn nothing! And the rest of this week hasn't been much better! According to the scale this morning, I have gained...are you ready for this?.....THREE pounds in less than a week. Awesome. Pure. Awesomeness.

I even decided at the beginning of the week that I needed to go back into full on diet mode to get things back on track. The first day, I lasted until dinner. The second day, I lasted until lunch. The third day, I lasted until I woke up!

I think I have decided my eating on the weekends and watching it during the week is really biting me in the butt. It's kind of like someone trying to quit smoking. "I'll quit smoking, but just smoke on the weekends." Yeah, let me know how that goes for ya.

And while I have made some good strides in the eating healthier department, I know I still have TONS of room for improvement! Most of what I have done is modified ingredients to be lower calorie/fat and decreased portion size but I am still eating a lot of the same foods I did before. I won't say that was a necessarily a bad thing though. For me, it worked to get the weight off, and it worked for a year to keep it off.

But now, I need to get serious. My husband wants to lose weight. He has lost weight before but then puts it right back on. I am not feeding my kids healthy foods. I was at the grocery store the other day and as I passed through the produce section, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my kids probably couldn't tell you what even half of the produce even is! That is scary!

So we need to make some big changes. We need to eat healthier so I can teach my kids how to eat healthier, so my husband can take the weight off and keep it off, and so I can keep my weight off naturally (without relying on the scale to tell me what and when I can and cannot eat).

I'll have to keep you posted on how we do it. I know it is going to take some research and some major changes.

Step 1 (baby steps): I have signed up for a food coop in our community. Each week, I can go pick up a basket (or two, we'll see) of 6 different fruits and 6 different vegetables. Some will be familiar but some will be new. It will be fun to incorporate this into our diet! I am hoping that we enjoy it and eat it enough that soon we will be buying two baskets every week!

Here's to some major changes....a little at a time!

My body sucks!

I am really irritated with my body right now. Okay, really, I am irritated with the choices I am making right now but it is easier to blame on my body! I just wish I could be one of those people who can eat whatever they want, whenever they want and not gain weight. I really don't like people like that right now!

I am finally STARTING to come to grips with the FACT that for me watching what I eat is going to have to be a lifelong project. I can't just skim by and hope to stay the same size I am now. My last post talked about how I had been eating. That was working...sort of. I was maintaining, but not by much. So I decided to go back to full diet mode for a couple of weeks just to get things back on track. I did really well and lost 2 1/2 pounds. I was very excited and decided it would be okay to "drift" for a while. As of today (6 days after the 2.5 pound loss weigh in) I have gained 4 pounds!

How is that even possible?! It takes two weeks of watching every piece of food that goes into my mouth to lose 2.5 pounds, but 6 days of not watching to double it back? UGH!!

Can you tell I am frustrated right now? I just want to eat! BUT I AM REFUSE TO GO BACK TO WHERE I WAS!! IT WON'T HAPPEN!

Drifting is not an option, apparently

I mentioned in my last post that I have been very busy and thus haven't posted. I decided I need to come clean. That isn't the real reason I haven't posted. I haven't posted because I have been HORRIBLE and I keep thinking that I will get back on track before I post so then I won't have to make any "confessions". But that isn't happening so here I am confessing!

I am back to exercising (after about three weeks of NOTHING). I realized how much better I feel when I exercise and I was hoping the exercise would counter balance my eating (but it hasn't). I got a couple of new videos that I'll write about later but they seem to be pretty good workouts.

Okay, I've stalled long enough. Now to the eating thing. I have been PATHETIC in this department. I thought I could just "drift." You know, not really watch what I am eating because now I have "learned" how to eat right, it should just come naturally. Not so much! I have actually gained 6.4 pounds since the final weigh in 3 weeks ago! NOT GOOD!! So here goes my self justification for my weight gain:

1 - I lost 5 pounds the final week and I'm not even sure how I did it. I stuck to my points but didn't exercise and dropped almost a full pound a day. I told my hubby at the beginning of that week that I wasn't going to start exercising because losing a pound a day gave me shot at winning the competition (which I actually ended up doing). So, in my mind that 5 pound loss was somewhat artificial. So if I take the weight from the prior week, I have only gained 1.4 pounds. Still not good but better.

2 - It was the holidays for cryin' out loud! I did tons better than I would have in the past!

3 - I am 20 pounds below my original goal weight so it is okay to have a little bit of flexibility. As long as I can fit into my size 4 pants, what does the number on the scale matter anyway?

Now for a reality check! This little pattern of self justification is what got me into this mess in the first place! I am really good at self justification. On a daily basis, I find myself thinking thoughts such as, "It's only a bite. One bite doesn't really matter (neither does this bite, or this bite....)," or "It's been a rough day, I deserve a treat," or "It's a holiday, special occasion, etc. Who counts calories on holidays, etc?" Maybe I should change the word justification to destruction - self destruction!

So, drifting=self destruction which is NOT AN OPTION! Here is to a better week! No, I am not still bent on weight loss. I am actually happy where I am (or was anyway). But I do need to focus on maintaining. Weight loss is not a trip that you go on and at the end is it done. It is a life long JOURNEY - something that continues even after the "goal" has been reached.

That was short lived...

I've already had my little bubble of excitement burst! Lately, I have been getting a lot of "you're too skinny" comments but most of them have been made in passing or by people who's opinions matter very little to me. My sister has been getting the same comments (she has also recently lost a lot of weight) so we call each other and vent our frustrations. First thing this morning, I called her to tell her that I was a size 4 because I knew she would be encouraging and supportive. She was so excited for me. This was going to be a good day! I was on such a high and she made it even better.

Then I talked to a good friend of mine. I didn't call her to tell her about my size but I was excited so I ended up telling her. She responded with "That is too skinny. That is like, anorexic skinny." And basically went on and on about how I was now too skinny. It really made me feel bad. I don't know if she reads this blog. I kind of hope not because my intent here is not to make her feel bad. It is more to bring awareness to people. I have worked my butt off! I have NOT starved myself. I eat exactly what Weight Watchers says I should eat. No I take that back, I ADD two points a day for exercising and I eat my extra 5 bonus points EVERY day. I don't have a separate menu I prepare for myself. I eat whatever my family eats. We have just made changes to our diet to include more healthy items and exclude the less healthy options.

Since I have been getting these comments lately, I was starting to feel a bit self conscious so I looked up my BMI on the computer. My ideal weight range is 118-159. Guess what? Mid point of that range is 138.5. I am currently 137.6! It seems like there is a 5 pound window that people think you need to be in to be "healthy". If you go over it, you're fat. If you go under it, you're too skinny. So next time you see someone who is "skinny" tell them they look great NOT that they look anorexic!

Halloween should be outlawed!

This is a picture of about HALF the candy my kids brought home.

Can I just say that when you have five children, all young enough to go trick or treating, you end up with A LOT of candy after Halloween is over?!?! I have not done so well with staying out of my kids treats! I have to say that the candy I have eaten has still been within my daily points, BUT I would be better off using my points on healthier options. I have actually done pretty good this year with staying away from treats. I hadn't thought about Halloween. I stay away from treats because I don't buy them! Thanks to Halloween, we are now stocked!!

Every year, we let our kids pick out a certain number of their favorite treats. The rest of the treats go in a "community bowl" for everyone to share. This stash usually last us well into the next calendar year because I usually only let my kids have a piece or two a day. After the newness of it wears off, it goes down to a few pieces a week. BUT this also means that there is candy at my house for a long time!!

Some people say just to let the kids have at and get it over with. But I feel like that teaches them to binge eat. I'd rather teach them that it is still okay to have treats as long as they do it in moderation. Now I guess I need to move on from just keeping the treats away, to having the willpower to not eat them even when they are around. I will admit, if I can gain that willpower, going out to restaurants and parties will be MUCH easier!

Ugh...

Has anyone noticed that I haven't posted anything on here about weight loss lately? Well...THAT'S BECAUSE THERE HASN'T BEEN ANY!! Oh I have been HORRIBLE! Last time I did this competition thing, I went off the diet for 2 months and gained five pounds. I figured that wasn't too bad!

So this time around, I went back off my diet and something in me SNAPPED! It has been three weeks and I have gained 9 pounds!!! BUT...I do have to say that I still am under my ultimate goal weight of 150. I said I wanted to go below 150 so I would have some weight to play with...I know, I can give all the lame excuses I want...

You know what really stinks though? Guess where it has ALL come back? My gutt!! UGH!! Granted I think that is more from lack of physical activity than anything.

Okay, I really need to get my butt back in gear. My husband and his family are doing a competition until December. Each person has to put in $50, winner take all. I figured if I lose 19 pounds, then I will have lost 50 pounds in one year. How cool would that be? That would put me at 12% weight loss this time around. I just don't know if that will be enough to win or if I can even actually get down that low. Decisions, decisions...

Weigh in

Half a pound? Half a stinkin' pound?!?!? All that work and watching what I ate for 1/2 a pound!!?!?!?!? UGH! Okay, it is still a loss. I should be happy. But I went from losing 2 pounds a week last time to basically nothing this time. I think I have hit that crappy plateau that you always hear about. I hate plateaus!! They suck!!

It wouldn't be so bad but the person I am doing it with keeps telling me that she really isn't even watching her points, just cutting back and she is dropping 2-3 pounds every dang week! Do I sound angry? Because I am! Not at her, but at my stupid body!

I know I will regret posting this tomorrow, but I don't really care right now! I said at the beginning of this I would be honest and this is how I feel right now!