It's been a year....sorta....

On December 12, 2009, I weighed in at 136.6 and that is the weight I chose to stick with for my year of maintaining. A little over a year later, I am still at 136.6 (or lower)! I can't technically say that I maintained that weight for a year because I did have my little gain last January but here we are a year (plus a little) later! I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that I would have taken off the weight that I did, let alone KEEP it off! Four more weeks (January 30), and I can officially say that I maintained my weight for a full year! WAHOO!!

I was actually thinking that was pretty cool until I started reading statistics that say 90% of people who lose large amounts of weight will put it back on within five years. FIVE YEARS!!?!? Man! I thought one year was a major hurdle and I was home free!

Okay, that was my initial reaction. My calm down, think rationally reaction is - One year really is a big deal. And who cares about "statistics"? I'm bound and determined to be a "freak of nature" (as one blogger labeled people who actually keep the weight off for five years) who actually keeps the weight off!!

I got to thinking about "statistics" and where they even come from? I know I am not part of any statistic. I haven't been to a doctor or joined any organized weight loss group. So who is included in these statistics anyway? People who go to a doctor and get put on a "miracle" pill to lose weight and then gain it all back when the pills stop? People who join weight loss groups and gain the weight back when they lose the support of their group? I really don't know.

Here's what I do know. I know how to eat. I know how much to eat. I know what exercises kick my butt and which ones really don't do much. I know that I can push myself physically much further than I ever thought possible. I know that I don't need diet pills, drinks, fads, etc. to lose and/or keep weight off. I know that I CAN DO THIS!! And...I know that YOU CAN TOO!!!!

Here's to a happier, and HEALTHIER me and YOU in 2011!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

Whew! I made it through Thanksgiving and still stayed under my weight! I was even a full pound below! Now, to make it through Christmas (which shouldn't be bad) and New Years (BAD, VERY, VERY BAD)....

I did it, kinda....

Well, at my "offical" weigh in last week, I was 136.6. But I had to "kinda" cheat. My sweet hubby decided to sabotage me and take me out for a surprise date Friday night. At first, I kind of panicked! I avoid going out to eat on Friday like the plague because it has a tendency to wreak havoc on my weigh in Saturday morning. I expressed my "concern" to him and he told me that he had arranged a babysitter, I WAS going to go out to eat, and WAS going to enjoy myself!

Secretly, I decided I would just go along with it and find the lowest calorie thing I could find on the menu and then only eat half of it. This after starving myself all day Friday to make up for what I would eat that night. But after some thought, I decided to listen to hubby and ENJOY myself ON FRIDAY NIGHT!

So....I did my weigh in Friday morning so I wouldn't even think twice about what I ate Friday night. Keep in mind that I was worried about making it to 136.6 on Saturday and this would cut out a full day of getting myself down to that weight! So even though I technically cheated by doing my weigh in a day early, I am actually proud of myself for getting down to that weight quicker than I thought I would!

AND....I am grateful that I have a wonderful husband who MADE me get out and enjoy myself!! We really did have a good time. And not only did we go out to eat (and stuff ourselves silly) but we went out to ice cream afterward. Take that you stinkin' scale!!

BLAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I don't think anyone even reads this anymore but it is therapeutic so I am going to keep on postin'! I have heard so many times that stress causes a body to not lose weight. I have never really been major stressed about my weight....until now. I don't know why I am so stressed out! And I worry it will show on the scale.

That, or I am giving a "heads up" "cop out" for not losing weight this week! I have been pretty good though. I expected to see something on the scale. I actually promised myself that I wasn't going to step on the scale until Saturday. But I wanted a treat tonight so I stepped on to see if my weight was "low" enough for a treat. It wasn't...and things aren't looking good for Saturday...

I am frustrated because I have been doing so good with sticking to my points. I really expected see miracle numbers. Okay, maybe HOPED would be a better word than expected. A couple more days...

Really? Are we back to this?

I decided to go back into full on diet mode and can I just say....I HATE IT!! It is important to me to not gain all the weight back to I know I need to do something. I have done pretty good. But all I want to do is EAT!! Today has been really bad for some reason. I just want to bury myself in my kids Halloween candy.......ahhhhh...!!!

I wonder if that has anything to do with it! I don't buy treats for this VERY REASON! If they are here, I want them. But I feel like a mean mom getting rid of all their candy. Why? I am being mean because I want them to be healthy? Hmmm....I may have to think through this one...

9 months was a good run...

I have been HORRIBLE lately! What is my problem? Actually, I think I have a pretty good idea why I have been so bad. My eating freely on the weekends is catching up to me. Eating whatever I want on the weekend and then trying to get back on track during the week WASworking. But I have found myself getting further and further into each week before I get "back on track." I am back to wanting to eat everything in sight all day long. And my weight creeps higher and higher.

"Technically", I still haven't gone over my 136.6 but I have used every "trick" in the book to keep it under that number for my Saturday weigh in. This week, I decided it was time to get serious and get back on track. No more free weekends. I need to be eating right all week, not just on select days. That lasted until my kids brought home their Halloween treats...and it has been a DOWNWARD SPIRAL ever since!

I have to get back on track. I realize that one or two pounds isn't the end of the world. But it is the start of going back to where I was when I started this journey. I am super frustrated with myself right now. I had taught myself how to eat, what to eat, how much to eat. My little "weekends off" crap has thrown all of that right out the window! I want to "enjoy" food every day, not just weekends.

I know I am just rambling but I am really frustrated and sometimes getting things out helps. So there it is...the truth...out in the open. I am completely and totally falling back into old habits...and I HATE it! If only I could switch my love for food with my despise for exercise! THAT would be AWESOME!

Well, I better run...there is candy a few feet away calling my name...

Still hangin'....by a thread

Just wanted to report that I have still maintained my 136.6 weight! That makes 7 1/2 months now! The last couple of weeks have not been by much though! So I am back to exercising and trying to watch what I eat a little more closely! I want SOOO bad to maintain for a full year WITHOUT going over! That would be SOOOO cool!

Individual results may vary

Lately, there has been a lot of hype about diet drinks (or artificial sweeteners found in them) causing weigh gain. I was a little concerned when I heard about this because I use diet drinks and don't want to gain weight as a result! I couldn't figure out how something with no (or minimal) calories could cause weight GAIN. Then I realized that I LOST the majority of my weight while consuming them!

So I did a little research. As it turns out, the artificial sweeteners supposedly trigger cravings and thus increase other eating which results in weight gain. A friend of mine is taking a nutrition class. Her professor told her that these drinks can increase cravings for sweets by as much as 10x! My take on the whole thing? ~ "individual results may vary"! Diet drinks are literally what got me through my "diet". When I had a craving for sweets, I poured a glass of crystal light and the craving was gone (plus I got an extra glass of fluid!).

I wonder of part of this can be attributed to calorie tracking. When I was drinking the diet drinks, I was very closely monitoring my caloric intake. There wasn't the temptation to grab an extra snack (okay, maybe there was a temptation, but I knew it would take me over my daily points if I gave in).

I guess what I am saying is don't listen to all the fads and crazes. Do what works best for YOUR body!

I love this time of year!!

This time of year is the easiest for me to eat healthy. We have a pretty large garden and now is when everything is ready to eat! For lunch today, I had new red potatoes, corn on the cob, and tomatoes. I will admit, I probably ate more than I should have and potatoes and corn aren't the lowest calorie veggies on the planet, but it sure beats a bowl of ice cream for lunch! I would highly recommend planting a garden if you can! We actually can/freeze a lot of it too so it lasts longer (but nothing beats getting it right out of the garden).

How I've kept the weight off

Not much to report. Just wanted to make sure I am keeping up with this blog. I think the accountability really helps. I have continued to stay under 136.6 (on my weekly weigh ins). That is almost a full 6 months without going over! Yippee!! Still not exercising though.

I have had a lot of people ask me how I have kept the weight off. Honestly, I think it is a combination of A LOT of factors. I think I give everyone who asks a different answer! I am going to try and list as many as I can, maybe add to it later...

First, I don't keep my house stocked with treats. If they are here, I eat them. And there is nothing wrong with NOT having crap in my house. Hopefully, my kids will learn to like more healthy foods. It is hard because we have been the treat house for so long, they are very accustomed to having treats around. But it is nice to grab an apple or carrots instead of chips or a candy bar.

Next, I have not completely eliminated "treats" from what I eat. That probably seems to counter what I just said, but there is a difference. When I want a treat, I have to go buy it. It takes a lot more effort and thought than just shoving a candy bar down my throat because it is there. But if I really want a treat and don't feel like I have been eating too much, I go get a treat.

One major thing is portions. I have always had the "I have to get my fill", "I have to get my money's worth", "I can't let this go to waste (but apparently can let it go to waist)" mentality. I have learned to throw things away, eat in moderation. I don't have to eat until I am so full I can't move. When I eat less, I actually have MORE energy which in turn burns more calories than laying around because I am too sick to move.

I have modified the ingredients that I buy. We use a lot of Velveeta in our house. Now, I always buy the 2% milk variety. We also like butter. We have substituted butter spray. When I buy canned fruit, I always buy it packed in juice instead of syrup. Checking nutrition information on comparable products also helps cut calories. Tyson breaded chicken patties have almost twice as much fat and calories as Banquet patties.

I have cut out a lot of condiments. It takes a big mental change, but really, they add a lot of calories. There is no rule that says pancakes must have 500 calories worth of butter, peanut butter, syrup, and/or jam added to them. When we have pancakes, I add butter spray and call it good. I never use mayo/Miracle Whip anymore. I have found that mustard and honey mustard give sandwiches a little moisture without adding tons of fat and calories. When I have a peanut butter sandwich, instead of slathering on the condiments, I just do a thin layer.

Juice is another biggie I have cut out. I never really had an issue with soda or other flavored drinks so it wasn't hard to completely cut them out. It is really easy to justify juice because it is "healthy". But in reality, it never did anything to curb my appetite and just added calories that I didn't need.

I don't "diet" all the time. I mentioned this in an earlier post. I eat what I want on the weekend (Saturday and Sunday). I then cut back the rest of the week. I don't necessarily "diet" because I don't count my calories and I don't cut out particular foods but after a year of "dieting", I have a pretty good idea of how much I should eat in a day. And knowing I can eat all my "favorites" on the weekend helps.

This actually brings me to another point. I spent a full year getting to the point I am currently at. I didn't use "magic" diet pills or shakes. I watched what I ate and exercised. And yes, it was frustrating at times to see how slow the weight came off, but eventually, it DID come off. And knowing how long and hard I had worked makes it a lot easier to want to stick to it. And as I just mentioned, watching my intake for that long taught me what my portions really should be like.

Another thing that I can think of was reversing my daily eating habits. I used to eat very little in the morning and then a lot at night. There were two problems with this. I would be so hungry at night that I would eat everything in sight. Couple that with going to sleep on a full stomach, and the weight loss thing wasn't going well. When I switched that around, and ate the bulk of my food in the morning and early afternoon, I wasn't as hungry at night and had time during the day to burn off what I did eat.

Finally, one thing that I know has helped me keep the weight off is to continue with regular weigh ins. I actually weigh myself before breakfast every day. That may seem a bit excessive but it has really helped me to cut back on my eating before my "official" Saturday weigh in. I don't get to Saturday (or a month later for that matter) and realize I totally screwed up and have to work my butt off to take of the pounds that I added. This way, it is always under a pound when I do go over and that is much more manageable.

Well, that ended up being a lot more of a post that I had originally intended! I guess what most of this really boils down to is that during the course of the weight loss, I made a lot of lifestyle changes that have, in turn, helped me to KEEP the weight off.

Just for the health of it...

Tomorrow marks the end of the competition with hubby. I did....awesome...but sucked. How does that work? I didn't go over my goal weight once, which I am VERY proud of. That is five months of maintaining my weight. That is the awesome part. However, I have not been eating right, nor have I exercised AT ALL. That is the bad part!

I have decided that I need to get back to exercising and eating right, "just for the health of it." My body doesn't feel like it did five months ago. I feel like crap. I am definitely bigger than I was even though the scale doesn't show it. But I have gone from very toned and in shape, to very NOT toned OR in shape!

I just don't know how to get the mentality to do it for health. I want to feel better, but I literally hate to exercise. I like how my body feels when I do exercise, but I absolutely hate doing it! People say to find something you like and then you will enjoy it. I have yet to find an activity that I thoroughly enjoy. My other issue is the time thing. I feel like I don't have a minute to breathe as it is. Taking out another (minimum) 30 minutes from my day...

Okay, enough complaining for now. I need to celebrate the positives and just work on the other stuff. I'll keep you posted...

Um...just kidding?

I'm thinking my little challenge may be dead in the water before I even start! I was thinking more along the lines of giving up sweets, treats, you know, the stuff I really don't need to eat. This was initially triggered by a friend of mine who went sugar free and lost 30 pounds. She didn't change anything else, just dropped the sugar. My challenge wasn't so much for the weight loss. It was more just to be able to know that I could go a week without sugar.

I now know why she lost 30 pounds! I decided to do an inventory last night of what I can eat that is in my house. EVERYTHING has sugar in it - spaghetti sauce, chili, some soups, breads, crackers, yogurt, tortilla shells. I cannot believe how many things have sugar added! So basically, she is losing weight because she pretty much can't eat anything!

I am now categorizing this "challenge" in the fad diet category. And you know how I feel about fad diets! I may still do a day or two just so I can say I did it but it won't last a full week! I don't want to get the week over with and binge on everything in sight! I may continue with a modified version (kind of like the one I had originally envisioned) but we'll see...

A new challenge

Wow! It's been a while since I last posted! Things have been going pretty well. I still haven't gone over my "target" weight. That means that other than one week in early January, I have maintained my weight loss for 5 months now! I am shocked! I am finally getting to the point where I feel comfortable buying clothing in my size. I was too worried about putting the weight back on (like I have in the past) to invest too much. I have been doing a lot of thinking about the "why" I have been able to keep the weight off and that is a post to come!

For now, I have decided to give myself a challenge. I am going to go sugar free for one week. I have read a lot about how removing sugar from the diet can make a huge difference in the way you feel. I should probably do it longer but we'll see how a week goes!

My timing probably isn't the best. One of my boys has a birthday this week which means cake and ice cream galore. Then again, maybe this is perfect timing! I just decided that if I am going to do it, I need to just do it! So June 2 through June 8 = no sugar, no artificial sweeteners, nada. (I will still eat fruit even though it does have natural sugars). This should be interesting!

My body sucks!

I am really irritated with my body right now. Okay, really, I am irritated with the choices I am making right now but it is easier to blame on my body! I just wish I could be one of those people who can eat whatever they want, whenever they want and not gain weight. I really don't like people like that right now!

I am finally STARTING to come to grips with the FACT that for me watching what I eat is going to have to be a lifelong project. I can't just skim by and hope to stay the same size I am now. My last post talked about how I had been eating. That was working...sort of. I was maintaining, but not by much. So I decided to go back to full diet mode for a couple of weeks just to get things back on track. I did really well and lost 2 1/2 pounds. I was very excited and decided it would be okay to "drift" for a while. As of today (6 days after the 2.5 pound loss weigh in) I have gained 4 pounds!

How is that even possible?! It takes two weeks of watching every piece of food that goes into my mouth to lose 2.5 pounds, but 6 days of not watching to double it back? UGH!!

Can you tell I am frustrated right now? I just want to eat! BUT I AM REFUSE TO GO BACK TO WHERE I WAS!! IT WON'T HAPPEN!

Alterations

We just went and had family pictures done. I am a freak about family pictures and had to make sure everyone's outfits coordinated. I used an old skirt for myself and bought a new shirt to match. I bought my hubby a shirt and tie (yes we did formal pics) to match my skirt. The kids were all coordinated. One problem! The skirt literally fell off of me! So I decided to pull out the trusty old sewing machine and a do a little altering. I never measured my waist before I started this journey (or even now for that matter) so I really had no clue how many inches I had lost around my waist. Well, I measured what I took off the skirt and it was 7 inches! I was pretty excited! I don't know if that is a lot but it seemed like a lot to me.

I have also made some alterations to my diet. I am not, by any means, advocating this method of eating, BUT, it seems to be working for me (though this weekend might tell a different tale, we'll have to see). After all the dieting, I just couldn't count calories/points anymore. But I knew that doing nothing wasn't the answer because I saw the weight coming right back. I tried intuitive eating, but I think that I need to read the book and know what I am doing before I really get into that one.

So, here is what I HAVE been doing. I actually started doing this accidentally, but it worked, so I have stuck with it for about 6 weeks now. Saturday through Tuesday are "free" days. I don't watch what I eat. I usually put on a couple of pounds. Then Wednesday and Thursday, I cut back a bit on my free eating. And Friday is full on diet mode. I have a "threshold" weight of 136.6 that I want to stay under (that was my second to last weigh in on my last weight loss competition). Saturday is my weigh in day and so far, I haven't gone over that weight once!

Again, I AM NOT advocating this lifestyle. What I would advocate is finding something that works. Experiment. Try different things. But track yourself. That has been the key for me. When I don't track my weight, I balloon. When I do, I see myself getting out of control, and I reign it back in. I have also heard that when you have more muscle vs. fat, your body is able to more effectively utilize calories that you do consume. I really don't think this method would have worked 50 pounds ago. But it has been working to maintain my current weight so I am going to roll with it for a while!

Advice from a Chinese Doctor

I got this in an email and had to repost it!


Gotta love this Doctor. He is truly a medical wizard!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine.. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain... Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills You !

New pictures

Okay, I am really getting brave now! I am posting a picture WITH my face! WHOA! This is me a little over a year ago and today (with my new hair cut and make up). I think the biggest difference to me is my face. And I don't mean the make up or shape. I mean the look on my face. I DID NOT like having my picture taken a year ago! That was pure torture to take that picture. But I wanted to remember how I looked to remind myself why I didn't want to go back there! The pictures now - bring on the camera! I am truly amazed at the difference in my facial expression. I thought the biggest difference would be the shape of my body, not wearing contacts, make up...you know...physical things. But it is the attitude change that strikes me the most in these pictures!

And that, my friends, is why I don't make cookies!

I have NO willpower when it comes to freshly baked homemade cookies. NONE! ZERO! So, I very seldom make them. Yesterday, I decided that since it has been a while and I am now "in control" (snicker, snicker) of my eating habits, I would give it a whirl. DUMB IDEA!! I probably ate a dozen yesterday (and I'm underestimating if anything) and today I ate 4! UGH! I would have eaten more today but shoved them into my kids mouths as often as I could just to get rid of them so I COULDN'T eat more of them! And I can't even say that I did better than I would have a year ago. When I eat out (or in for that matter) I am definitely doing better. But when it comes to homemade cookies, there unfortunately has been NO progress!

Whew!

I made it through my anniversary (and three days straight of eating out) and even lost half a pound that week! Yay!

BUT...this week hasn't been so hot. I am not really doing well with the instinctive eating thing. I am thinking I may need to break down and buy the book so I can get some details on how it is supposed to work. I have reverted back to the "diet" and Jillian for now...ugh. We are planning family pictures for the first part of April and dang it, I want to look good!

I did have a good find this week. A friend of mine told me about these buns:I really like them! They are one point on WW for the entire bun (100 calories, 1.5 g fat, 4 g fiber, 5 g protein). And they are filling! They have the muli-grain (the ones I tried) and a whole wheat version. I would definitely recommend them! I have used them for hamburgers, lunch meat sandwiches, and peanut butter sandwiches.

Funny story

Wow! It's been a while! I have been doing pretty good with my quest to maintain. I haven't gone over my target weight yet but this week might be a different story! It is my tenth anniversary so hubby and I decided to get away for a few days which translates to eating out every meal for a few days! I know we could have stashed some healthy stuff in our hotel fridge and just ate that way, but I figured once every ten years.... We'll see how the scale responds on Saturday!

Now to the funny story. We went and visited an early childhood center that we both had worked in for a time. One of the old ladies that I worked with 7 years ago was still working there. She is one of those old people that always has something to say that is totally off the wall "where did that come from?" We got there and they all were commenting on how skinny I had gotten (I was actually my largest when I worked there). She came up to me and put her hand on my arm. With a very concerned look on her face she said, "Are you okay? This isn't from cancer or anything is it?" I thought, "Did she seriously just say that?!" This time, I just laughed....

I did it!

Whew! I did it! I made it through two weeks scale free (except for my weigh in with hubby last Saturday). My life doesn't revolve around the dang scale anymore! Although, I can see it quickly getting back to that point if I let it.

It has been an interesting week. I did gain a pound this week but I am okay with that. I am still one pound under my "don't go over" weight.

I guess I should explain what I am doing. I am "ditching the diet" (I copied that from a fellow diet blogger hence the quotes). I have come across a new lifestyle called intuitive eating. I have heard of it but Tiffany over at Skinny Jeans linked to another blog that had an article about intuitive eating. If you want to read the article, click here. It totally struck a cord with me. I am so sick of calorie counting and restricting. So I am trying this out. It is a lot harder than it sounds. I have to learn to trust myself. It's a scary proposition when you figure that I am the one who let myself get up to 200 pounds at one point (and no, that was not pregnant).

The first week actually went very well. But last week, I went back into old habits. I went out to eat three times (in one week - YUCK)!! And I didn't "listen" to my body. I have to say, I think the hardest part is having kids who eat very much on a schedule. It is hard to only eat when hungry when I am feeding my kids snacks and meals at a set time every day. It is something I will just have to play with. I'll keep you posted on how it goes!

Half way!

I made it half way through my two week no scale challenge (except for my weigh in this morning). I fully expected to step on the scale this morning and see a gain. And I was ready to call it quits when I saw that gain. I even had a dream last night and in my dream I gained exactly 2 pounds! BUT, I actually lost a pound! Go me. And I did it without weighing in several times a day! Imagine that....

Up for the challenge...I think

I was reading a weight loss blog (http://tiffskinnyjeans.blogspot.com/) and she has posted a challenge to go two weeks scale free. I decided that it is something I need to do. Lately, I have become obsessed with the dang thing! I will still have to do my Saturday morning weigh in with hubby but other than that - I'M GOIN' FOR IT!

On another note (but somewhat related believe it or not), I am so craving EVERYTHING lately! Every time I get in my car, I want to stop somewhere and grab a cheeseburger or a shake or both! When I go to the store, the chips and the candybars scream for me to buy them! Ugh! I know part of it is that I haven't been eating great lately so now putting that junk in my body, I just crave it more.

So what do the two have to do with each other? Well, we decided to have a party Sunday with all the treats (I know, not smart). I was thinking, "My weigh in is on Saturday. I'll do good this week, blow it on Sunday, and then do good the rest of the week to make up for it. It will be fine." But if I can't weigh in on a day to day basis, I won't know where I stand so hopefully, that will motivate me to NOT blow it on Sunday!

I'm still here...

No I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I guess I was just kind of taking a break. The last month or so has been interesting. I haven't gained since my last post. I am actually back down to my second to last weigh in on my last competition (which is actually right where I want to be).

Setting a weight loss goal is an interesting thing. I set a goal in the beginning to get down to 150 and then not go above 155 (at least I think those were the numbers). Then I kind of blew that goal out of the water and at one point went down to 131. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. I set a goal, I accomplished it, now what? I don't necessarily want to lose more so what is the point in watching every calorie I put into my mouth. But I definitely don't want to gain it back so I need to do something.

I guess that is the "problem" with setting a goal. I have always viewed goals as a sort of finish line. But it seems like, with weight loss, there really isn't a "finish line." Yes, I got down to (actually below) my original goal, but if I mentally tell myself that I am "done" it will all come right back.

At the beginning of this journey, I told myself that by doing it right, I would learn how to eat and how to work out so I would know how to keep the weight off. I am so glad I lost the weight the way I did. I have gotten off course a couple of times. But I knew how to get back on course. And over the year that I have been doing this, getting back on track has become easier.

But now comes the hard part. I need to find a lifestyle that isn't focused and obsessed with losing but on living. My hubby still has some weight he wants to lose so I made a deal with him. He has to lose weight or maintain his weight every week until the end of June. I have to keep my weight at or below 136.6 (my second to last weigh in). I am going to play a bit with that number. I think I would like to get it down to 135 just so it is a nice round number but right now, I'm going to stick with 136.6 and focus more on healthy living.

Drifting is not an option, apparently

I mentioned in my last post that I have been very busy and thus haven't posted. I decided I need to come clean. That isn't the real reason I haven't posted. I haven't posted because I have been HORRIBLE and I keep thinking that I will get back on track before I post so then I won't have to make any "confessions". But that isn't happening so here I am confessing!

I am back to exercising (after about three weeks of NOTHING). I realized how much better I feel when I exercise and I was hoping the exercise would counter balance my eating (but it hasn't). I got a couple of new videos that I'll write about later but they seem to be pretty good workouts.

Okay, I've stalled long enough. Now to the eating thing. I have been PATHETIC in this department. I thought I could just "drift." You know, not really watch what I am eating because now I have "learned" how to eat right, it should just come naturally. Not so much! I have actually gained 6.4 pounds since the final weigh in 3 weeks ago! NOT GOOD!! So here goes my self justification for my weight gain:

1 - I lost 5 pounds the final week and I'm not even sure how I did it. I stuck to my points but didn't exercise and dropped almost a full pound a day. I told my hubby at the beginning of that week that I wasn't going to start exercising because losing a pound a day gave me shot at winning the competition (which I actually ended up doing). So, in my mind that 5 pound loss was somewhat artificial. So if I take the weight from the prior week, I have only gained 1.4 pounds. Still not good but better.

2 - It was the holidays for cryin' out loud! I did tons better than I would have in the past!

3 - I am 20 pounds below my original goal weight so it is okay to have a little bit of flexibility. As long as I can fit into my size 4 pants, what does the number on the scale matter anyway?

Now for a reality check! This little pattern of self justification is what got me into this mess in the first place! I am really good at self justification. On a daily basis, I find myself thinking thoughts such as, "It's only a bite. One bite doesn't really matter (neither does this bite, or this bite....)," or "It's been a rough day, I deserve a treat," or "It's a holiday, special occasion, etc. Who counts calories on holidays, etc?" Maybe I should change the word justification to destruction - self destruction!

So, drifting=self destruction which is NOT AN OPTION! Here is to a better week! No, I am not still bent on weight loss. I am actually happy where I am (or was anyway). But I do need to focus on maintaining. Weight loss is not a trip that you go on and at the end is it done. It is a life long JOURNEY - something that continues even after the "goal" has been reached.